dot dot dot dash dash dash dot dot dot
dot dot dot dash dash dash
dot dot dot dash dash dash dot dot dot
dot dot dot dash dash dash
So I’m drinking a bottle of wine tonight, because that’s the only way I can write this… announcement, blog, letter, message, whatever you want to call it.
Ya, ya there’s tears in my eyes already… damn it… but really, what kind of an emotionless monster would I be if some water didn’t fall out of my eyes during the writing of this…
I guess no amount of words could ever describe, how much of a best friend Brad is to me… gosh I could write book after book about the journeys we’ve shared…
But I guess I’m writing the last part of the book about us being in a band together… and it’s the hardest fucking chapter to write.
My first memory of Brad is front row centre at Mz Ann Thropik shows before he was even in my band, he wore female nurses uniforms back then and his hair was all kinds of crazy colours, smears of make up usually covered his face and the best part was, he knew all the words to my songs and sometimes almost shouted them over me.
When he auditioned for the band I still wasn’t aware of the amazing friendship we were about to embark on… but I guess that began at his second show when he smacked me in the mouth with his bass guitar, splitting my top lip, blood poured out, but despite my cursing and anger, I knew this was a friend for life.
He held my hand when a line up we had told me we weren’t good enough to play live and swore he would stick by my side… From that point on we shared so many cups of tea (fuck i think it’s in the thousands by now) playing guitar and we wrote music together on any program we could get our hands on. We drank together until we fell over laughing, we had bowls of popcorn fights, yeah, not handfuls, bowl-fulls! We had sleep overs and in the morning we’d scream at each other about something or other and then hug and make up. He held me through every break up I had and even dropped shows with other bands to be by my side when my depression hit a bad point. I could not count on two hands the thousands of kilometres we shared in tour buses, sleeping, talking, listening to music, laughing, screaming, dancing and laughing some more.
Brad is the kind of friend and was the kind of band member that would make a girl feel beautiful when she just woke up, an exhausted mess with last nights make up smeared and hair everywhere saying he thought people were the most attractive that way. Yes, he’s strange.
There are hundreds of memories that I hold on to fondly of our friendship as band members… Like the time he shaved with canned cheese, or the time I put tabasco sauce in his toothpaste. All the times he let me jump on his back during our performances and didn’t mind me kneeing him in the balls. Every time he stuck by my side when we encountered difficulty with other people. Every day that he sent me picture messages of him wearing different things on his head. The time he let me just sit in his house when the police were looking for me. Every temper tantrum he let me have, smiled at the end of and hugged me anyway. All the amazing shows we experienced together, the energy we shared on stage was always completely unrehearsed, it just happened, we could read each other like a book.
And the time he forgave me for busting his nose open with a mic stand, accidentally of course…
Look, Brad is and always will be, one of the most beautiful people in this world. And I am so fucking lucky to have had the blessing of having him in my life.
Because he is my best friend, I understand… And am letting him go to spread his wings. Sure, I’ve known about this for a few months now… At first I was upset, then stubborn, then angry, then upset again… I went into a complete black hole of depression and anxiety for a while there, please forgive me for the silence… but finally I realised, what a loving and caring friend would do… Let them go… with nothing but love. Mz Ann Thropik is and always has been my path in life… And Brad has so many of his own yet to experience and learn from… Travel is one of the ones on his list, starting bands of his own, moving to another Country and dedicating time to his relationship with his beautiful girlfriend.
So here I am, strong and ready to take on a new chapter of my own journey.
Life takes so many twists and turns… Nothing is ever for certain, only what we have right in front of us at this very moment is for real… But I do know one thing. I have a friend I can call at 4am… and he’ll pick the phone up, for the rest of his life.
I love you Brad…. Thank you for making me and Mz Ann Thropik become what it was for the last 5 years, I would have never been able to do it… Without you.
I’m not going to wait anymore.
A few people on Twitter asked me how to make tonight’s cupcakes that The Doctor and Zan were eating on their Triple J show.
First of all these cupcakes are Vegan and Gluten Free… SO EVERYONE CAN EAT THEM! yay!
LIME COCONUT CUPCAKES
1/3 CUP - CANOLA OIL
3/4 CUP - RAW SUGAR
1 CUP - COCONUT MILK
1 TSP - VANILLA
2 TSP - FRESH LIME JUICE
(mix these ingredients together with an electric beater before you add the following ingredients)
1/4 CUP - TAPIOCA OR ARROWROOT FLOUR
1/3 CUP - CORN FLOUR
1/2 CUP - RICE FLOUR
1/2 CUP - COCONUT FLOUR
2 TSP - BAKING POWDER
(mix in really well)
1/8 CUP - SOY MILK
1 CUP - SOY LIFE VANILLA YOGURT
1 CUP - SHREDDED COCONUT
(mix it all like crazy!)
Fill your cupcake tray with this goodness and put in a pre-heated 180 degree oven for about 20 minutes… it’s best to check on them after 15 by sticking a toothpick or fork in… if no dough comes out on the fork/toothpick, they’re ready to come out!
1/2 BLOCK OF COPHA
(heat on the stove in a small saucepan, once melted place in a bowl and into the fridge, leave in until it starts to get a little cloudy and cold, bring out and beat until it thickens, then add the following and beat.)
1/2 CUP OF NUTTELEX
4 CUPS ICING SUGAR (you can add more if it’s not enough)
1 FRESH LIME SQUEEZED
1 TSP VANILLA
THIS RECIPES WAS TAKEN AND ADJUSTED FROM THE “VEGAN CUPCAKES TAKE OVER THE WORLD” BOOK BY Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero. It’s amazing and I highly recommend it!!! HOORAY! Enjoy! And buy the book here - http://www.bookdepository.com/book/9781569242735/Vegan-Cupcakes-Take-Over-the-World
Can I chase those memories away… once and for all?
PEARS & EGGPLANTS
i kept my mouth shut and kept my secrets close to my heart
i guess i felt ashamed not for what they did but for not being able to defend myself
and all these years i’ve lived with it in silence keeping quiet
but i need to speak up now, I don’t want to hold my peace anymore.
It’s raining in Sydney tonight and I couldn’t be happier. I’m sitting in my new kitchen, right by the window and the rain it pours and pours and drops climb through the massive window and land on my arm. I can’t complain. It’s all rather perfect actually.
I feel like this blog is supposed to have some sort of theme to validate it’s existence. But I can’t be bothered with limiting myself. Not this time. Also, as much as I proof read, my CzechLish may get the best of me sometimes, so please forgive me.
I moved out of home when I was 17 and for the first time in my life I’ve had the awesome opportunity to paint the walls of my new home any colour I like. The best part is that my beautiful boyfriend isn’t freaking out in any way about my painting obsession. In fact he chose a stawberry, chocolate and vanilla coloured kitchen! Yeah… he rules!
I’m thinking about Perth and I’m thinking about New Zealand, two places we’ll be touring soon. I’m not the greatest fan of flying, I managed to avoid it for 10 years, but this year I’ve flown twice already and I’ll admit I had a pretty rad time.
I don’t have much to discuss, pick apart, speak about tonight… so i’ll leave you with this thought…
Why do I find so many cards everywhere I go?